I Got a Jug, and it Wasn’t Christmas or Anything
A jug you say? Oh, how clever. No, it was just a one gallon, orange, plastic jug… that I had to pee into… and keep in the refrigerator. That to me was awkward, but it sparked something and made me put it on the to do list.
I’ve wanted to write something about this for ages, but didn’t know where to start.
The most read, consistently highest in traffic for over four years now is a post on Building Beyond Me that I wrote in 2015 entitled, “Ever had a Problem Peeing in a Cup?”. I’ve been scratching my head about it for ages. I went back and read it. That was difficult as it brought up a lot of feelings I didn’t want to feel, but more than that, it made me wonder why. Is there not a lot of conversation regarding UAs? Maybe. I’d love to hear your thoughts if you think about it.
I decided to discuss this with a nurse because rarely do people at dinner take a tally on how many people are pee shy. I knew that it was more than just me, but I wondered how many people in the doctor’s office couldn’t fill a plastic cup. I was taken aback to hear that in her estimation, it was over 50%. Then, damn, come to think of it, the last time I was given a cup for a sample, I left the office and didn’t return.
I couldn’t pee on command in front of another person while surrounded by mirrors. How about you? I saw this doll one day that I tried. You’re allowed 3 times of trying and then you’ve failed your drug test. Yes FAILED. But remember, I mean, I did find a creepy doll to take a picture of, so maybe the day was a win.
I was starkly reminded after reading that old post that there was so much that I wanted to do to change the system, to help everyone that was stuck on this endless wheel, and yet I put myself at a distance from it as soon as I was able. I was not wholly surprised that most of the people in the drug testing office were shades darker than white. I had known wealthy white men that were able to pay their way out of things like sitting in these dank offices awaiting your turn. I felt like I had an angle, but I certainly didn’t have the energy.
In 2015, when I wrote that post, I saw absolutely no future for my life. I was probably doing about as poorly as I possibly could be in terms of mental and physical health. I developed agoraphobia and was in terror every moment that I was away from the house and my dog, but you still have court orders, so you force yourself. It’s the only way to get the hell out of the system.
Should it be or shouldn’t it be awkward to pee into a jug? Well, it was, even in the privacy of my home with no one else home but my dog. I have a problem peeing into a cup in privacy at the doctor’s office. I have a problem peeing into a jug. I should point out this is not the first time I’ve had to do a 24 hour urinalysis and the last time was just as awkward.
Maybe it’s knowing that I have to keep it in the refrigerator.