Focus to Cope with a Giraffe and a Dog
It may seem strange that I'm carrying a little orange giraffe around with me and my dog. It is a little strange, but it's keeping me focused. Pumpkin the giraffe belongs to my 4 year old nephew, Jett.
I lived with Jett for 3 years, until last week. Having Jett in my life was a huge benefit to my mental health because he didn't care about anything but what he needed at the time, and he could care less that I had a mental health condition and was barely functional. I think in a lot of ways, through my depression, I reverted back to about 3 or 4 years old.
Jett and I made a trade. He's taking care of my Curious George the monkey, and I'm taking care of his Pumpkin the giraffe. The idea is that Pumpkin is going on an adventure to find seashells and other neat things. That way I can keep a connection to Jett by sending him photos of Pumpkin, and I have a reminder to find places to take pictures of Pumpkin.
I'll be honest, moving back out on my own is one of the scariest things I've ever done, but I felt it was the next step in my recovery. I've had to go to the grocery store. I've had to face things that are giving me panic attacks. The demons are trying very hard to take over. Last night I experienced a hallucination, and it scared me really bad, but I focused on what I knew was real, and it passed. The good thing about being in a new place though is that I'm not triggered by any of my surroundings as none of them hold a history. Everything is new. Exciting, scary, and new. I'm glad I have my dog and I'm glad I have Pumpkin.