Am I awake because of the drugs or am I awake despite the drugs?
It's a little after 6AM. I've been sitting at Starbucks for a while now. At 4:30 this morning, I decided I may as well shower and get the day started.
There have been times in my life where the early morning was not only my favorite time of day, but also the time when I'm most alert and most excited to be alive. There's just one problem. I don't know if it's real.
Having spent the last year and a half barely able to get out of bed, I question why I now seem to have this energy to be awake. Is this me being normal, or is this me being in a manic state? I don't know what normal is. My entire life has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs. There's been very little middle ground.
I'm either productive or useless. I'm either alert or exhausted. That seems to be my normal.
I can't tell if this is medication related or if this is my body finally waking up and getting on with life. There's more to it though. A few days ago I was up and about early in the morning. I spent an entire day feeling energetic. The next day, I didn't get out of bed. Perhaps this is part of what's described as mixed state. Maybe I just have Bipolar Disorder :-P
To top it off, the song playing is called "Everything is Ok" and keeps repeating the phrase, "everything is okay, even when it's not." So I guess I'll just go with that. Everything is okay, even though it's not.