My friend Carol posted this video on Facebook, and it breaks my heart. We have a mother, who in her time of need, reached out for help and didn't receive the help that she needed. We see a sequence of events that have left her unable to be with her daughter.
If only things had been a little bit different. If only. We cannot change the past. I have watched Carol tirelessly fight to regain the right to be with her daughter. She is a mother who has gone to extreme lengths to shed light on an unjust system. She is a mother who is hurting. She is a person whom I wish I could help.
The biggest disappointment in my life is that I have not been able to help people as much as I would like to do. I know it’s been said that there’s no true altruism, and I admit, my own selfishness is that I derive joy in being able to help. In my manic state a couple of months ago, I frantically built Building Beyond to highlight the problems of a select few people, in hopes that somehow the world would see their plight, and jump on the bandwagon to offer support and encouragement, and that in short order, we could start healing years of wounds and bad patterns.
In my mania, I had delusions that all we had to do was tell the story and that the help would come pouring in. I didn't know that I was delusional. I didn't realize that I was in the middle of a psychological crisis that would result in my own downfall, leaving me powerless to help anyone, even myself. It is said that you must crawl, then walk, and then run. I started with a sprint, and fell flat on my face.
I wanted to help Auntie Robin gain a sense of community, to not be lonely, so I got her a phone to access the internet, but now I cannot afford to keep it in service. I wanted to adopt her grand baby, so that she wouldn't suffer the loss of another family member to the horrors of the Department of Children and Family. I wanted to save the day and everyone in it. I could not save anyone, including myself.
As I see that each of these people have problems that persist, I see them live on. I see that everyone must face their challenges, moment by moment, and step by step.
I still have dreams that one day Building Beyond can be a means of hope and help to people, but for right now, it is simply a blog where some things will be shared, and perhaps something that is shared will be read by someone and it will be of help or comfort to them.