As with anything that one does in life, there is the potential for regret. All my life, I have second guessed almost everything that I've ever done, and my mind has labored over whether something should have been done this way instead of that. I still get sick to my stomach when I think about having lied to my mother about going somewhere I shouldn't have on my bike when I was four years old. I regret it.
In looking around the Internet for ways to manage regret, I came across a TED Talk by Kathryn Shulz called Don't Regret Regret. The premise of the talk is about accepting our regrets as part of our humanity, realizing that as human beings, we should not be immune to anguish and pain. Kathryn reminds us to love ourselves for our mistakes and our regrets because after all, if we didn't have regrets or show remorse, we would be sociopaths.
My friend Fawn tells me that I simply need to love the part of me that is crazy, the part that gives me a mind that went rogue and staged a mutiny. Accept it and love it.
It's hard to accept that I should simply love the crazy in me. It's hard to accept and love myself for the regrets that I have, particularly the ones from when I was crazy. They loom large in my mind and make me sick to my stomach and anxious when thoughts of them occur. I'm still stuck in the perseveration stage. I haven't quite gotten to acceptance and love. Hopefully I'll get there soon.