A Few Weeks into Medication - Zyprexa

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Perhaps my hopes were too high.  Perhaps I expected too much.  Is it too much to ask for a magic pill to solve your problems?  Yes.

I'm several weeks into taking Zyprexa (Olanzapine), a mood stabilizer and anti-psychotic medication for treating Bipolar Disorder.  This medication was prescribed as a temporary stop gap measure for five weeks until a longer term solution is determined.  

I wish that I could say there was a marked difference in how I feel, but there isn't. The only thing I can say is that the baseline for my anxiety seems somewhat reduced, almost like it's muted temporarily.  Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the anxiety attacks.  It almost feels like when the anxiety hits, it's compounded.  It may be that the peaks in anxiety are now contrasted against a lower baseline, so I feel them more. 

I was started on a half dose for one week, moving to a full dose the 2nd week.  If I remember correctly, this was so that I could get used to how it would affect me.  I was told that it would likely make me very groggy for the first weeks, and that the effect would taper in time.  It was also supposed to help me sleep.  I didn't notice any groggy feelings at all, and I don't notice any effect in it helping me to go to sleep.  I am grateful to not have to experience dizziness as the bottle suggests may happen. 

Perhaps the dosage is too low, or perhaps it just affects me differently than others.  It seems that just like everything else in life, there are too many gray areas.  I wish that there were a definitive way for me to know whether or not the medication was helping.  If I could pinpoint exact places where it was having an effect, and know for sure that it was the exact cause of the effect, I would feel better about it.  For now though, I'll continue the guessing game, wondering if I'm on the right track.