When I was a kid, I wanted to be a successful business person. I wanted to have a window office in a high rise office building. I wanted to live in an apartment building with an elevator and a door man. Well, I didn't get the door man. She was always a woman. The point is that I accomplished that.
I thought I needed to do those things to show my family that I was good enough. I thought my father would see my success and then maybe he would actually love me, but no, that didn't make any difference. Now those buildings are gone from my life. I don't have a fancy job in a big building and I don't have a deluxe apartment in the sky. I did have those things though. I proved I could do it.
I've spent my life trying to prove that I was good enough. Now perhaps it's time to spend my time just living and experiencing life.
In the process of trying to prove that I was good enough, I completely forgot how to enjoy life. I missed out on a lot because I was never present to enjoy the moment. All of my energy was spent on making sure that I was presenting the right way, being the good boy, the professional — the facade.
I have no idea what's going to happen next in my life, but I sure hope I'm able to just be there to experience it. Be present.