Verisimilitude - Perception is 9/10 Reality

verisimilitude |ˌverəsəˈmiliˌt(y)o͞od |  - Perception is 9/10 Reality

noun

the appearance of being true or real: the detail gives the novel some verisimilitude. DERIVATIVES verisimilar |-ˈsimələr| adjectiveORIGIN early 17th cent.: from Latin verisimilitudo, from verisimilis ‘probable,’ from veri(genitive of verus ‘true’) + similis ‘like.’

I started a little Instagram experiment.  I realized I can't very well ask for people to share their stories if I don't share my own.  It's tough to tell a story that is always unfolding with each passing moment of life.

It may take me a while, but I intend to tell the story back to my childhood (not that anyone cares).  It's a weird sort of catharsis for me.  I will clip them all together into one video to make it easier when I have more time, but for now, if you're interested, you can see them on Instagram @irlmo.

It's hard for me to hold on to all of the memories and past realities.  It's hard for me to realize new perspectives on old situations and realize that the reality at the time was not exactly what I was experiencing, or rather, I was not aware of all perceptions and expectations surrounding a situation, and it's tough for me when I realize the ways in which I came across as an ass, not understanding.  

I've had these revelations all my life.  Unfortunately, I've always faced them with shame, hid my head, and tried to run away.  This is a pattern for me, ingrained since childhood.  Always be ashamed.  

If you need an eye opener about living with shame, watch Dr. Breńe's TED Talk at ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html She's such a great speaker, she tells an honest story, and her points resonate.  

 

I would like to hold my head high.  I would like to right every wrong.  I would like to stand by my commitments.  I pray for the courage to face each demon.  They run deep.  

My father asked me to buy him a house because he can't face the evil demons that snarl at him from the windows when he walks up the walkway.  Is he crazy?  Yes, but is part of his crazy the years of shame that he faced, never being good enough?  

It is my understanding that my father is somewhere on the Autism scale above Aspergers.  It is likely that I am on the scale as well.  I'm learning so much about what it means to have been a child and dealing with not only autism, but also mental illness, depression, agoraphobia, and I'm sure plenty more undiagnosed issues within my family. 

I recently attended the Hoffman Institute, a life saving, transforming experience.  I'm trying to utilize new tools to heal old wounds, and get better so that I don't find myself triggered and causing unforeseen challenges. 

Here's to another day of building beyond.