I'm praying that you are loved

 I've never met you, but I love you.

I've never met you, but I love you.

Amari, 
You don't know me, but one day perhaps you will read this, or hear a story about how hundreds of strangers from across the world were rooting for you in the first months of your life. I hope to hear news one day of a strong man who was able to build beyond the position that birth bestowed upon him.

Your life may be made more difficult because of the situation that you were  born in, and I pray that the challenges you face will help you to become the person that you wish to be. Although I tried, I will always doubt that I tried hard enough.  Amari, I'm praying that you are loved.  

-- Ryan
July, 2014

Amari was placed in foster care and for that I am grateful.  It's better than a state orphanage.  I do not have any information as to his location or status.  Perhaps for the best.   Were I in a better position in my own life, I could have fought the fight. 

It has taken me days to publicly face the fact that I didn't have what it takes to take on a broken system, and years of hardship - generations of pain.  I found out a few days ago that Amari was placed into foster care, and in time, if the situation of his family does not improve, he will be adopted out permanently.  I can only hope that the parents who eventually have the privilege of calling him "son" will be the best for him.  In reality, I would not have been the best father for Amari.  I am simply not ready.  This is for the best.

If you have any words for Amari, I will do my best to archive them for him in later life.  Please use the comments at the bottom of the page.


I read "The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog several years ago, and it gave me incredible insights into my own life.  

And it seems appropriate that the book, "Uncertainty" would be my current read.

I'm looking at this one next.  Is it any good?